Let Go of Your To-Do List and Embrace a Simpler Approach

Revolutionizing the Search for Love: A Journey of Self-Discovery

Ten years ago, following a tough breakup, I found myself staring into the mirror asking a familiar question: “What’s wrong with me?” Despite having a fulfilling life—intelligent, supportive friends, wonderful children, a stable job, and a comfortable home—the pursuit of lasting love felt elusive. Heartbroken and frustrated, I resolved to change my approach to dating.

Determined to find a meaningful connection, I made a crucial decision: my next relationship would be guided not by superficial traits or fleeting chemistry, but by the way I was loved. I reevaluated my priorities, seeking qualities such as strength of character, kindness, generosity, and emotional stability in a partner. “It would be because of the WAY HE LOVED ME,” I affirmed, choosing to pursue a love defined by depth and authenticity.

With a focus on what genuinely mattered, I set aside my long list of preferences—including height, physical attractiveness, and success—realizing that such criteria had never produced a fulfilling relationship. Reflecting on the experiences of happily married friends, I concluded that their contentment was rooted in values far beyond physical attributes.

Many single individuals, I noted, often share a common experience: their emotional needs have gone unfulfilled in past relationships. I decided I was done with such disappointments and shifted my expectations. I established non-negotiables for myself, reinforcing my boundaries around what I would not accept in a partner.

Then, I met Rob. Our initial interaction was different; rather than utilizing tired pickup lines, he expressed genuine interest in my children. Despite traffic, he traveled over an hour to take me to dinner at a nearby restaurant. He actively sought to connect through phone calls and demonstrated a consistent desire to spend time together.

Rob’s warmth and kindness were evident as he effortlessly bonded with my children and respected my pace regarding intimacy. Importantly, there was no drama, which felt initially unusual, but I soon embraced this refreshing dynamic.

You might wonder if Rob matched my original wishlist. The answer is no. The man I married diverged significantly from my prior expectations, which ultimately turned out to be a wise decision.

As a dating coach who has navigated the complexities of relationships, I encourage others to reconsider their own lists. Such constraints may be keeping you single. Be open to dating individuals who defy your initial notions—whether they are older, younger, or possess different physical traits. It’s essential to maintain strong boundaries while setting high expectations focused on qualities that truly impact happiness.

When you find the right person, the relationship should feel effortless and comfortable—free from anxiety and games.

Reflect on the qualities that matter most: goodness, generosity, loyalty, and unconditional love. These attributes will support you through challenges and ensure that you feel cherished and valued.

Here is my formula for success, which has served me well: